Happy New Year. I wish you an amazing year filled with Health, Vitality and Freedom to experience life on your own terms!
A new year brings new hopes and dreams. It is common to think about goals or resolutions at this time. Yet many lose momentum before reaching their goals.
Why do well-meaning people struggle with fulfilling their dreams? Read on and find out what you can do about it.
Putting in a lot of effort but not getting results?
When it comes to meeting goals, it is tempting to jump into actions. Taking actions makes us feel productive. Do you know that the drivers behind your goals can greatly affect your success rate?
The thoughts, attitude and motives behind your actions carry more weight than your actions. If your motives are stemmed from fear, criticism, resentment, not good enough, and so on, it’ll diminish the efficacy of your effort.
Here are a couple of examples:
If you want to lose weight because you hate your body, that recurring unkind thought will cause internal friction that keeps you from feeling satisfied with your progress.
You might be disciplined in exercising and dieting, but the lack of self-love will insidiously lead to self-sabotaging behaviors; your progress will be in a yo-yo pattern.
Or you might overly cater to others or work very hard to keep a stale relationship (personal or professional) going. If your underlying motive is fear, your actions will carry the vibes of clinginess, insecurity, or lack of self-respect. Others can smell that, and it’s not appealing.
Any unwholesome drivers of any well-meaning actions create a lack of alignment. When we are out of integrity with ourselves, the effort we put in will be discounted, or the results will not last in the long run.
If you find yourself working too hard on any goals, consider the following:
- Dig deeper on your motives behind the goals. Reframe unwholesome motives with life-affirming ones that are based on peace, love and joy.
- Be kind to yourself. When you notice your fearful or critical voice, listen to it patiently and compassionately. You might hear the plea beneath the threat!
- Connect with how you want to feel when you achieve your goals. Let the positive emotions fuel your effort.
Failing to follow through with your goals?
A young woman asked me to help with her stress. When we dived deeper, she revealed that she wanted to start a family but she also valued her freedom. There was an internal conflict between the two very things that she wanted.
More often than not, my clients think they know what they want, but when we go deeper, we uncover hidden barriers that block their abilities to move forward. Some dismiss it as not having the time to follow through.
When we are crystal clear about our priorities, we can allocate time to what matters most. It is not about lack of time, it’s about lack of priorities.
The common challenge I see is: the more stressed we are, the murkier our priorities become. As a result, we ended up reacting to situations instead of being intentional about our choices.
When we are unclear about our priorities, everything seems important. I remember a client struggled with picking 3 to 5 personal values. In her mind, all the values were important! Can you imagine how busy life can get when everything is important?
Reacting is about defending, protecting, avoiding, withholding, or minimizing losses. It’s often fear-based, driven by perceived pressure or urgencies. When we react under pressure, the focus is narrow and our reactions are at the whim of factors outside of us.
Living intentionally is about aligning our actions with our values. It’s about showing up consistently regardless of external factors, or how people perceive or dissuade us. We are anchored into what we know is true and important to us.
If you struggle with following through on your goals, is it possible that your why is not “big” enough to motivate you? Maybe you want to play it safe, or you are unclear about your values, or there is a misalignment between your goals and your values.
As a first step, get clear about your personal values. If it has been a while since you identified your values, revisit them before setting any goals. Be sure your goals are aligned with your values.
Any conscious or unconscious misalignment within us can turn a fulfilling journey into decades of meandering. With the right support, you can expedite your journey.
What if your focus this year sets the stage for the next decade? What would you do differently?
If you are committed to making the best out of 2022, contact me for a 1/2-hour free consultation to see how I can support you. Don’t underestimate the power of an intentional conversation, it can create amazing breakthroughs : )
With Love and Blessings,
Carmen