A mentor once advised me to find one reason to love even when there were 99 reasons not to. I was perplexed because I had thought something was either worth loving or not. Her comment led me on a journey of self-inquiry about love.
I now see love beyond the fluffy, feel-good emotion caused by someone or something pleasant or beautiful. Love guides me to go through cycles of practicing compassion, patience, forgiveness, and acceptance.
It is easy to love someone or something that makes us feel good. With the types of challenges we face these days, we have many opportunities to practice being loving when people and situations seem unlovable.
Being loving benefits us; it generates hormones that reduce stress, increase pain thresholds and promote healing. Love soothes the nerves. When we are less reactive, we are more able to be innovative and create the life we desire.
On the other hand, if we keep worrying or ruminating the negativity around us, more stress hormones are released. We become hypervigilant, constricting our blood flow to critical brain functions and diminishing our generative power.
Several years ago, I experimented with love in business meetings and training classes. I later learned that our hearts generate the love frequency that can affect amazing changes.
By imagining love light emanating from my heart, I noticed subtle shifts in behaviors of groups. People opened up, allowing for more constructive discussions. Trainees were more energized and engaged with the courses.
Fear melts in presence of love. When we feel safe, we are more willing to take risks and venture into the unknown. Being loving opens us to access capacities to resolve issues that may have seemed unsolvable when we are uptight.
It’s hard to be loving when we feel threatened or attacked. The “villains” may appear as disagreeable people, those who reject us, certain political figures, social injustices, viruses, vaccines, natural disasters, and so on.
It is human instinct wanting to fight for and protect those we care. If it is within our control, we can take constructive actions in a kind and loving way.
If it is out of our control, sending love to those involved, including the “villains,” is far more generative than talking or ruminating about how bad situations are or how wrong the villains are.
Our thoughts shape our reality. We bring more about what we focus on. It is especially tricky when we are so sure we are right based on perceived evidence that validates our positions.
The Ladder of Inference says that we unconsciously select data and interpret them based on our assumptions, values, and beliefs. We then take actions leading to outcome that reinforce our beliefs.
Repeating the same patterns is not a generative way to live.
It has been said that the longest distance in the world is from the head to the heart. While our mind is very useful, our culture, educational system and upbringing focus more on the mind and less on our hearts.
Lack of congruence between the head and heart is more common than you think. It shows up in many ways. A prime example is wanting to do something that inspires or excites us but we talk ourselves out of it.
Trust based on data or evidence is a mental process. Trust when there is no evidence comes from the heart. The courage from the heart allows us to take a leap of faith. The heart is the seat of the soul and it leads us to our truth.
When the head and heart are not in sync, it’s like driving with the brakes on. It takes more effort. Over time, more aches and chronic conditions show up in the body. Instead of seeing ourselves living out of integrity with our truth, we attribute the symptoms to aging, the genes, weather, and so on.
Being loving does not mean being nice, going along to get along, or overgiving. It is about having the courage and finesse to express what is not working for us in ways that do not shut people down or out.
Sometimes love requires us to hold people’s feet to the fire. Other times, love requires us to be present when someone is frustrated. Even if we know how to solve their problems, it is deep listening, not solutions, that may be needed.
I have found that the more I accept the tiny or major aspects of me that seem unlovable, the easier it is for me to accept others. I don’t need to change others for me to feel okay. When I worry less about what others think of me, the less often I feel agitated for what they have or haven’t done.
With greater acceptance, I feel lighter. I even surprise myself by injecting humor in tough conversations, something that I couldn’t have done before. As a result, people respond to me in unexpected ways.
When we all lighten up, new ideas and perspectives emerge between us. That is synergy!
My love quest helps me to get clear that love is not transactional or quid pro quo. Using words to express loving support is helpful. When it comes to facing insurmountable changes, love needs to be a way of being.
When I am present with love, I can feel that subtle vibration in my body. It comes down to how often I can stay in that love frequency, and how fast I can return to that state if I get side-tracked.
The more I embrace love as a way of being, the more amazing shifts happen to me and those around me. We gain insights, and we manage to find time, new energy or motivation to take on whatever we had put off for years.
I am not fully there yet, but I am a lot closer than 10 years ago or even a month ago. When I began my love quest, I was so much in my head that I couldn’t even feel anything in my body!
Embodying love is like strengthening muscles; the more we practice, the more we can bring love to bigger challenges. We will also remember to return to love when life takes a detour.
A friend had to evacuate her home because of the hurricane. She managed to initiate a loving connection with the hurricane. It is remarkable that her home remains intact while the nearby houses are damaged.
Many have demonstrated how luck is on their side when they choose love. This practice may sound simple, but the determination to choose love in times of danger and uncertainty comes from a very profound place within.
Regardless of the challenges we face, we are being called to uplevel our capacity to love so that we can create a new world together for us and the future generations.
Our commitment to love allows that vibration to affect generative changes that may seem impossible. When we choose love no matter what, the sky is the limit because we open ourselves to Divine Grace.
If you want to uplevel your capacity to love and catapult your life, contact me for a 1/2-hour free consultation to see how I can support you.
With Deep Love,
Carmen